Almost a year ago, I was proofreading the paperback, checking the cover art of my first set of books, My Heart Sings Your Song and Where Have We Come. They had lifted the lockdown in England and we could go away. We booked a mid week break to Brighton, and I waited for the paperbacks to arrive. To say it excited me when they did is an understatement, you’ll get an idea if you read my blog from last year. The books arrived in cardboard boxes ready for the book launch planned at the Ealing Library. The launch never came; everyone, everywhere cancelled all in person events. My first literary festival was online with DESIblitz. But, although excited by it, it also deflated me. I would have loved to go to one and shake hands with the great and good from the literary world.
The first lockdown wasn’t bad. My beautiful sons came back to stay with us, our relationship very different. Yes, they still asked for the usual, What’s for lunch? Where’s my t-shirt? We made dim sum from scratch, pizza from scratch, once we could get hold of some flour and yeast. Watched a lot of food porn videos, dreamt of going to restaurants when things opened up. We grew as a family. Our relationship with our sons has never been the usual South Asian parent child set-up and this long stay together definitely brought us closer.
And I wrote an entire book. I already had a handful of outlines I was mulling over when I wrote my debut novels. I enjoyed escaping to another world through my writing, and what better place to escape than to the South of France with a retelling of Jane Eyre, Made In Heaven. It’s not the obvious choice. There are a lot of retellings of Pride and Prejudice by writers. Many South Asian women relate to Austin’s books. Why do you think Gurinder Chadha directed and co-wrote Bride and Prejudice? There's something Bollywoody about the dashing hero and a feisty heroine that appeals to many who want to escape. Many South Asian women model themselves on Lizzie, Elinor, Anne, Emma. I have several outlines already worked up, with characters and subplots, using East African Asians. I would like to set one book in East Africa in the past. That would be really great to write, but until I visit the land of my birth, I’ll hold back on that one. Books representing the South Asian Diaspora, people of Indian origin, living in Britain or abroad, standalone quick reads.
Many people used the time to create, to write memoirs, to create films, to write music and songs. If you are someone who thrives on creativity, the isolation helped people create the project that sat on the back burner. For me, the fact I didn’t have any social engagements to go to helped enormously. No sleepless nights, no anxiety, no stomach ache. What’s not to like about an online event?
But as the summer edged into autumn, my hopes to upload my standalone book as an ebook waned. The weather became harsher, and the second lockdown arrived. My sons moved back to their flat, and I started having doubts about the book, my writing, myself. I got lost in the middle of the plot, reworked it, rewrote it. I also thought I needed to find an agent, to get a publisher to like my work. So I put it aside, wrote anything to help me escape, many stories of lived experiences. I submitted my stories to magazines, writing competitions, and websites. I started the next set of books for the University Series, Sonali and Deepak, the scenes, the dialogues, the outlines, like my debut novels, it's a story that questions the establishment. Christmas came, and we continued to be still in limbo, families not allowed to meet. News of more deaths and illness. The world continued to open and close.
Premiere of UK Asian Film Festival Digital Commission Winners 2021, credit Rehmat Rayatt.
Throughout this time, I had the greatest opportunity to connect and mentor with an impressive group of filmmakers, the UK Asian Film Festival Digital Commission Finalist. When we’d thought of the competition, we’d planned to have a Film Festival to commemorate the 100th birthday of Satyajit Ray - Ray of Hope. Apt for what we were going through, an opportunity to find a positive view of what was happening. Little did we know that we would see people clamouring for oxygen in India, funeral pyres in the streets, people who’d gone to visit relatives trapped in the country. In the UK the Government wouldn’t put India on the red list, the new strain was more virulent, cases increased. The borders eventually closed, but it trapped filmmakers who were collaborating, stuck in another country, stuck in level four, stuck due to loved one’s being in the at-risk group. And yet, the films that have come out of the filmmakers celebrate the ingenuity of creativity. Their resilience, their ability to be innovative, their tenacity to finish despite challenges. We are looking for an opportunity to showcase their work, in the meantime go to the UK Asian Film Festival YouTube channel for an interview with those that could attend Premiere at Soho Screening Room on their experience and collaboration.
Challenge of Uncertainty
The trouble with the ending of the first lock down is that we all had hope, a light to aim for, a temporary glitch in the world. We thought that was the end to the isolation, we’d been good, stayed away from the vulnerable, watched a screen to wish our goodbyes, to support our friends and family who’d lost their nearest and dearest. Weddings and celebrations cancelled. We South Asian love our gatherings, hence so many feature in my writing. Ample music, lavish singing, liberal dancing, copious food, plentiful mithia. Some families who drink have infinite alcohol, too. That's what I missed most. For someone who’s anxious about meeting lots of people, there is something about the music and colourful atmosphere that calms me.
I hope we will meet up soon despite the high numbers of cases. I hope that the people who work for the NHS get a respite. I hope we don’t have another lockdown, because I’m not sure this one will be possible.