My Inspiration, my son. It all started with him thirty years ago this week. Our son came into our lives, turned it upside down and then left us exactly eight weeks later. When it happened, I believe we were in shock and went back to normal. If you call being childless normal, the worst part of it was pretending everything was all right, pretending that your heart wasn’t shattered into tattered rags, some so thin that no matter how much you tried to stitch it together there just wasn’t enough of the cloth left to sew into. So you let them go and they swish around in the cavity that holds your heart. That rag analogy came to me as I write the second draft of my next Bollywood inspired University series duet, Sonali & Deepak. It's a scene when Sonali eventually tells Deepak of her feelings after a shocking revelation.
Grief comes in many forms, it waits in the depths of your heart, swimming between the dark spaces of happy memories, and floats up occasionally at the most inappropriate times or it sits like a cat curled up around your heart, constant weight smothering, never comforting.
I watched Disney’s Inside Out (2015) again and there’s a scene where Sadness touches Joy’s, stacks and stacks of golden orbs filled with happy memories and the orbs turn blue.
So I’m using that to explain my emotions. January is a time of reflection and 2022 has begun with a bout of ill health, not the dreaded COVID, but something else, hence the lateness of my blog post.
Last year my motto was it will happen, and it did. I have made new connections and talked more about why I wrote my books. I’m less anxious about standing in front of people and more adventurous in meeting new people.
This year has begun with sadness and reflections. Big anniversary years tend to do that to everyone and I am looking at what has happened in my grief and writing journey. Two years ago this week I sent my story, the story of love, grief, child loss, family to first come out as ebooks and then as paperbacks. It has helped me heal.
The writing of it, which was a process I started in 2006, twelve years after his death. We have never denied that he existed, I’ve sent sweets to school with the children when they were younger on his birthday, and we have a gravestone, a spot in the children’s cemetery and visited with his brothers on his birthday and his death anniversary.
Now, I talk more about how we coped, how we remember him and the grief and how his existence has made me who I am. This more than any thing has helped me grieve.
At an event just before the festive holiday, someone came up to me and asked about publishing through Simon and Schuster. She had a memoir, an amazing story she wanted to share with the world, a story to seek justice for wrongdoing. I tried to explain my writing journey about the rejections from agents and how directly contacting publishing houses is not the way. I could tell she was passionate about her story, how she wanted to publish it, how she hoped to have a film made of it and but she fell into the trap I fell into so many years ago. Not every story gets told, not every publisher wants to sell your story, not every agent wants to represent you. My goal was and still is to tell stories of people like me who straddle two cultures or more. It wasn’t about making money or fame or awards. I aim to change the life of that one person through a tale that resonates with them, whether they discover a new culture, find solace, enjoy the songs, the foods. But mostly for my creative memoir Where Have We Come, it is for the women who have been through something similar. If one of these women feels motivated to speak up, acknowledge their pain, then what I’m doing is worth all the work I’ve had to do to get my story to the wide world.
Filmy Fiesta for UK Asian Film Wallah with Santosh Bhanot, Mandeep Rai and Pushpinder Chowdhry
Call out for budding filmmakers
I am an advocate for storytelling from all backgrounds and want to tell you of the UK Asian Film Festival call out for your film submission. The theme this year is Dare to Dream. 2022 marks the 75th Anniversary of India and Pakistan Independence, the 50th Anniversary of the expulsion of East African Indians from Uganda. So if you or anyone you know is a filmmaker, please submit. We are looking for documentaries, feature films and short films from people from South Asia and the South Asian Diaspora.
Did you know?
My Filmy Fiesta event for UK Film Wallah was a celebration of my books and a trip down memory lane for those of us who grew up in the UK. Despite the new strain Omichron running rampant in the UK, we had a socially distant event featuring a reading from my books and a singalong. Did you know all my books so far, get their titles from lyrics of an Indian film song. So here is the mockup of the covers to Reena and Nikesh, University Series, should an agent or publisher wish to translate them into Hindi. I have a playlist on Spotify too of the songs featured in the books, go to my book’s page for a quick link or just search in your Spotify app and scan the barcode.
My Heart Sings Your Song - Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas
My Heart Sings Your Song
[Saz] has a unique style of blending striking themes with her favourite songs, giving the readers a gentle feel of life and laughter.
This is a beautiful love story bursting with real life. The descriptions are so vivid that you feel you’re living the story.
Plenty of melodrama in this ultimate girl meets boy tale. Set in the UK, the main characters and their families are of Indian origin so many interesting references to culture, especially food
A good-looking boy with brains, a beautiful smile and a love of Bollywood. Nikesh Raja has all the qualities of my dream man.
A beautiful book where every Indian girl who experienced growing up in England in the 80s can relate to.
This heart-warming tale is set in UK… a light and quick read.
[the] details...Indian food and culture feels so comforting.
The concept of the “star-crossed” lovers really interested me and had me hooked from the very beginning...entertaining read with a colorful cast of characters, and a story that will have you hooked from the beginning.
A sweet coming of age story of two gujrati (sic) youngsters who fall in love, a spoilt rich boy and a middle class girl, reminiscent of 70s Bollywood flick.
If you fancy a beautifully written, modern real life love story of Asian origin, I thoroughly recommend a read of this book.
Saz writes in a heartfelt, evocative manner that touches so many layers… I really liked the feeling of getting to know how it feels like for an Indian to grow up in a different country and yet follow our culture.
Where Have We Come - Yeh Kahan Aa Gaye Hum
Where Have We Come - Finalist Wishing Shelf Book Award 2020
Reena and Nik’s love for their son Amar is deep and strong... moments that added an extra layer of sadness.
… not only soul stirring but also heartbreakingly tragic. A gut wrenching story of a mother's struggle to put herself together despite the sorrow and tragedies surrounding her.
… story is written beautifully, and truly reflects the collided cultures of the characters. With the inclusion of a glossary of phrases, and recipes...emotional, romantic, yet convincingly heart-breaking ride.
A great book that shows the struggle of new parents to cope with an unexpected situation… if you are looking for a realistic story with real-life situations you will love this story.
Teeming with Gujarati culture and steeped in tradition… Reena and Nik begin the story so filled with love and joy that it feels like a fairytale. Then comes the sharply felt and poignantly written heartbreak and loss.
This story made me laugh, cry and seethe with anger at the injustices. The difficult times faced by our favourite couple are beautifully portrayed.
'... a deep dive into the struggles of new parents forging their way through unexpected situations and learning how to balance cultural customs and tradition.
Where Have We Come … an amazing heartfelt story that had me gripped from start to finish, and has left a lasting impression.